Guidance and Direction
for people living with
genital herpes
A diagnosis of genital
herpes often comes as a
shock. Many people do
not feel comfortable
talking about sexuality
and sexual health
issues.
There are many avenues
for help, reassurance
and guidance. Below are
resources that can offer
help and support for
people living with and
affected by herpes:
Counseling
Adequate information
about genital herpes and
the implications for the
future are an important
part of clinical
management and
treatment. Counseling
offers a way of dealing
with your concerns.
If you or your partner
are finding it hard to
come to terms with the
news, need advice,
guidance for the future,
or just need to talk
with someone a medical
expert or counselor can
help give you some
direction.
Encourage yourself or
your partner to speak
with a medical expert or
counselor.
Support Groups
The experience and
support of other people
with herpes can be
extremely valuable.
Support groups
for people with herpes
exist in some countries
and have the objective
of providing support and
education to people with
herpes.
For anyone who feels
isolated by genital
herpes, self-help groups
can provide a
much-needed arena for
open discussion and the
exchange of information
and ideas.
Living with Genital
Herpes -
A practical approach
Getting the facts
The more emotionally
charged an issue, the
more important it is to
find out the facts. Most
people know little or
nothing about herpes.
Frequently, what
knowledge they have is
colored by myth and
misconception.
Having the correct
information makes it
easier for everyone
concerned. Genital
herpes is extremely
common. In some
countries, up to one in
five people are infected
with this virus, whether
they know it or not.
Some basic facts that
you should know:
TRANSMISSION:
HSV
can be passed on when
one person has the virus
present on the skin or
mucosa and another
person makes direct
skin-to-skin contact
with the live virus.
The
virus is likely to be
present on the skin from
the first sign of
prodrome (tingling or
itching where the
outbreak usually
occurs), until the sores
have completely healed
and new skin is present.
There
are likely to be certain
periods of time
(possibly only a few
days out of the year)
when the active virus
might be on the skin,
even though there are no
obvious signs or
symptoms.
Always
using latex condoms may
possibly reduce the risk
of transmitting the
virus at these times.
Herpes
is very frequently
transmitted by infected
persons who do not know
they are infected.
Once
diagnosed, a person
generally is able to
take the simple
precautions necessary to
protect partners -
avoiding contact during
prodrome or an outbreak
and practicing safer sex
when no symptoms are
present.
ATTITUDE AND
SELF-ESTEEM:
A
positive attitude helps
greatly, starting with a
positive feeling towards
oneself
It
is important for
individuals to have time
and space so that they
can learn about their
strengths and develop
them
For
anyone who finds stress
a particular problem or
has trouble relaxing,
there are specific
techniques, such as
meditation and courses
on stress management,
that can help.
OUTBREAKS AND
RECURRENCES:
A
person who experiences
recurrent genital herpes
should try to get to
know the pattern of
their outbreaks, and may
discover the particular
circumstances that
trigger an episode and
learn to avoid them
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How
do I tell someone,
especially my partner, I
have genital herpes?
When it comes down to
the basics of telling,
there is no foolproof
method. What you say and
how you say it are going
to depend on your own
personal style.
It is only
natural to feel
apprehensive about
telling someone else
about genital herpes for
the first time.
A good long-term
relationship must be
based always on honesty
and trust. While some
people may experience an
unsupportive response,
most have found their
partners are both
supportive and
understanding.
If
your partner does decide
not to pursue a
relationship with you
simply because you have
herpes, it is in your
best interest to find
out now. It takes a lot
more than the occasional
aggravation of herpes to
destroy a sound
relationship.
Carefully
choose the time and
place for telling
someone. Although it may
not be necessary to tell
someone right at the
beginning of a
relationship, do not
wait until after a
serious relationship is
established as this is
not fair to the other
person.
The
discussion could take
place where you feel
safe and comfortable.
Some people turn off the
TV, take the phone off
the hook, and approach
the subject over a quiet
dinner at home. Others
prefer a more public
place, like walking in
the park, or a quiet
restaurant, so that
their partner will feel
free to go home
afterwards to think
things through.
Be
prepared. Plan what is
going to be said and
have your facts about
genital herpes clear. It
can be a good idea to
have relevant printed
information on hand for
someone to read.
Be
spontaneous. Be
confident. You are doing
the right thing for both
of you. By telling your
partner you allow them
to enter into the
relationship with full
knowledge of your
infection
When
you have an outbreak,
you can discuss it with
a partner instead of
making excuses for why
you can't have sex. If
the two of you are able
to discuss the
situation, openly and
honestly, you can
negotiate around it.
Imaginative lovers find
ways to weather these
temporary setbacks.
Consider
how you would feel if
the roles were reversed
and you were being
told. You can also role
play the situation with
a friend who already
knows your situation,
but do not let them
always play the
understanding
partner. Convincing
another person can help
convince you.
More
information on genital
herpes can be obtained
by contacting your
doctor or visiting a
sexual health clinic.
Personal rejection, with
or without herpes, is a
possibility we all face.
Fear of rejection can
lead some to question
why they should risk
talking about herpes and
choose not to disclose
the fact. Instead they
abstain during
outbreaks, practice safe
sex at other times, and
hope for the best.
This way of thinking can
have more disadvantages
than advantages:
-
You spend a lot of
time and energy
worrying that your
partner is going to
get herpes.
-
The longer you put
off telling, the
more likely your
partner will find
out elsewhere.
-
It gets harder to do
the longer you wait
-
For most people, the
anxiety of not
telling is worse
than the telling
itself.
-
Excuses create
distance between
partners and often
lead to dangerous
guesswork. Your
partner might
interpret your
excuses in ways more
damaging to the
relationship than an
honest discussion of
genital herpes would
be
-
Your attitude will
influence how this
news is received.
Psychologists have
observed that people
tend to behave the
way you expect them
to behave, and
expecting rejection
increases the
chances of an
unhappy outcome.
The importance of
self-esteem, adaptation
and acceptance.
Herpes
does not change all the
good and wonderful
things that make you
'you'. It has nothing
to do with your
intelligence, social
habits, or bank account.
You are a loving,
sexual, whole
individual. No one else
on the planet has the
things that you have to
offer.
Unconsciously,
many of us have a lot of
negative beliefs related
to herpes that make it
difficult to convince
ourselves that others
would want to be with
us. It is important to
recognize these beliefs
and consciously change
them. Accepting the fact
that you have herpes
will make it easier to
let others into your
life.
Sit
down with a pen and
paper and say to
yourself, "I have
herpes." What thought
pops into your head? No
matter what it is, write
it down. Do this again
and again until you have
identified a number of
the
stereotypical/negative
feelings that you have
about herpes.
Look
at your list. How many
of the negative feelings
or beliefs are truly
valid? Take your list
and replace each of your
negative beliefs with a
positive one.
You
have the power to change
what you believe about
yourself. Whenever you
find your inner voice
telling you that you
can't do or have
anything that you
desire, simply interrupt
it and firmly repeat to
yourself your positive
replacement. The more
often you repeat these
positive statements, the
more they reinforce
themselves.
You
can think and believe
whatever you choose
about yourself. It might
take some repetition.
Years of negative belief
patterns do not
disappear overnight. But
eventually, by
deliberately replacing
your old negative
beliefs with positive
new ones, you can begin
to change how you think
and feel about yourself
- consciously and
unconsciously.
Well
done! You have
confronted a difficult
issue in your life with
courage and
consideration.
What if your partner has
genital herpes?
If your partner has
genital herpes, your
support may be very
important in helping him
or her deal with this
condition, which can
also directly affect
you. When your partner
goes back to the doctor,
you may wish to go too,
so that you can find out
more about the
infection.
Where can I get more
information and advice?
After you have read this
information and
discussed genital herpes
with your partner, you
might have specific
questions or concerns.
Your doctor or your
partner's doctor should
be able to answer such
questions or recommend
other experts who can
provide advice and
support. Continue to go
back to your doctor
until all your queries
about genital herpes are
answered.
In some areas, there are
local genital herpes
support groups that can
be a valuable source of
information and support.
Ask your doctor if there
is such a group in your
area or look through our
Support Groups
page.
If you want further
information regarding
herpes treatment, you
can:
-
See your local
doctor
-
Visit a
sexual health clinic
in your area
